Dear Marty,
Where to begin? This is a letter I never expected to write, and I’m not sure exactly how to say what I want to say. I can hear your voice telling me to just say it and don’t make it too long. So, that’s what I’ll try to do. It was a shock this past Sunday to hear the news of your untimely passing at such a young age of 57. Like many others I didn’t know you were diagnosed with cancer and fighting it like hell over the past six months. The last time I saw you was in December at your annual holiday party. You most likely already had the diagnosis then and were just beginning to process everything but chose to keep it private and only shared within a tight inner circle, which I completely respect and understand. You know I would have been there for you and your husband anytime you needed a friend. But I can understand and appreciate the way you wanted to handle everything and take care of others around you at work and in your personal and family life.
I attended your Celebration of Life this week, and to no surprise, it was standing room only. There was lots of laughter through tears as friends, family, work colleagues, team members, senior leaders, and many more from across a diverse spectrum came together to share stories and honor your life and legacy. You made that possible by being the incredible connector you are, among your many other talents that brought people together forming otherwise unlikely exchanges and bonds. And the stories that people closest to you told clearly showed that even in the midst of fighting for your life, you were taking care of everyone else, ensuring they were going to be alright. It was a blessing for me to listen to their stories and see everyone whose lives you touched and hear about the great works you’ve done.
Your death awoke something significant within me this past week. Suddenly, my spirit broke free of the lifelong spell of procrastination of so many things, big and small, that I deemed important to me, but didn’t have the sense of urgency to complete. I found myself making a list of the top things I’ve been procrastinating on and got to work. I finally followed up on two doctor visits for some concerning health symptoms (everything is ok now). I messaged two friends that I’ve known for over 20 years but haven’t seen in person in over a year and immediately set a day trip the next day to go spend time with them. And I took steps forward on several other priorities that I had procrastinated on far too long. You did that my friend. Not just your death, but the way you lived your life did that for me, and I’m grateful.
Another thing happened this week that I attribute to you. I found myself with a significantly heightened sense of awareness, confidence, and determination than ever before. Time and again I noticed unique things that seemed to be a coincidence yet speaking directly to me providing the confidence and focus I need to move forward. I went to my bookshelf at home and pulled a favorite book that a dear friend gave me in 2001 called Patti’s Pearls: Lessons in Living Genuinely, Joyfully, Generously by Patti LaBelle. I randomly flipped open the book as I often do, and the chapter I landed on was entitled “Coincidence is the pseudonym God uses when He doesn’t want to sign His name.” Some may call those experiences this week coincidences, but even if you aren’t religious/spiritual, I believe that sometimes things appear with a specific message that you need to receive in the moment. The most significant one was motivational public speaker and humorist (Kelly Cochran Swanson) I found through another friend who in one of her talks mentioned that sometimes instead of seeing what we do as just work or a job, we may see the opportunity to “be someone else’s drink of water”, meaning being of service to help someone else thrive. You did that Marty so many times by leading, mentoring, and serving others to help them thrive and ‘being someone else’s drink of water.” And your life and legacy opened my awareness, self-confidence, and determination to step boldly into the work that I’m most passionate about, “being someone else’s drink of water” in all the ways that may take shape as a change management/transformation leader, an executive and professional coach, writer, motivational public speaker, mentor, consultant and more.
So, I know I’ve gone on for too long, and I can see your smile as you ask, how many times are we going to circle the airport before we land this plane? My closing thoughts are this, I know you wouldn’t want it to be all about you, and I don’t want it to be about me either. It is about how we serve others and their stories and help them to shine and thrive. You lived your life to the fullest each moment, accomplishing so much personally and professionally in the short 57 years you had here. Yet, you always found time to “be someone else’s drink of water” and help them to grow and bloom. And through your friendship you’ve inspired me and been my drink of water, filling my cup, that I may go forth and serve others and be “someone else’s drink of water.” And for that I am forever grateful. Love and miss you my friend Marty. Fair Winds and Following Seas and see you on the other side.
Your friend,
Tony
P.S. Marty, hope you noticed that I kept the letter to under 1,000 words <wink>. I even cut down a work communication yesterday from 744 words to 500 words! Your voice was in my ear as I kept trimming it down. Appreciate your inspiration my friend 😉
Postscript: There’s no right or wrong way, place, time etc. to grieve. Each person and circumstance are different. As I said in my letter, my friend Marty, as well as I, don’t want this to be about us. It is about the story of others. There are many places and forums where I and others can and will celebrate and share stories of Marty. However, in this personal letter I share to process my grief, it is more about sharing a story to inspire you to reflect on your own story and how you process grief, recognizing there’s no right or wrong way. There are many books and resources online to consider. I’ll add some recommendations as notes and comments later. If any of my readers have recommendations, please add to the comments as well. As always, I encourage you to reflect on your own stories and look for ways you process grief and what works best for you. Give yourself grace and space to journey through grief in ways and a timeline that helps you most. And always remember, Your Story Matters.
