I was recently driving through the Northeast region along the interstate highways in New Jersey (NJ) and Delaware (DE) and saw the digital road sign that read “Leave Tailgating for The Game.” Thumbs up to the NJ and DE highway administration responsible for giving me a good laugh this morning. I, admittedly, am known as someone who tailgates a bit too much, especially if you ask my husband. So, that was a nice reminder for me personally. At the same time, I immediately thought about how I may tailgate or follow others too close in my personal and professional life. Sometimes I follow their path too closely instead of leaving space to follow my own path. So, as usual, as I continued driving down the interstate, this sign prompted me to reflect on my prior stories where I literally was tailgating someone on the road or in another case, the ocean, as well as figuratively tailgating someone else’s path in life.
When I was young, there were some periods where I was the only kid my age in the neighborhood. Then, new kids began moving in, and I was excited to make new friends. I distinctly remember one of my earliest childhood memories of being outside climbing trees and bringing my brightly colored animal crackers box along with me, hanging it on the lower tree limb for safe keeping until I was ready for a snack. When a new kid would come up to me and ask if they could play, I would always share my animal crackers with them. Mama thought I was using the crackers as a way to bribe them or reward them for playing with me. But I honestly just liked to share with others and meet new friends. But what Mama didn’t notice was that I was someone who liked to please others and looked up and admired others to the point that I would follow in their path, tailgating too closely, no matter where it led. Sometimes, it led to positive or harmless activities, and other times it was a bit more dangerous. As the old saying goes, “if someone told you to jump off a bridge, would you just follow?” Well, sometimes, I actually did follow and jumped off a small bridge. One kid had a bright idea of putting an old mattress we found into the creek near our house and encouraged us all to jump off the bridge onto the mattress. As a kid this seemed harmless enough, but as an adult, it was fraught with lots of dangers, including mis-landings on rocks etc. Fortunately, that little tailgating stunt, following too closely didn’t end in any bad situations. But I soon realized that it was best that I didn’t always tailgate too closely to everybody and figure out my own path. In adulthood there are several stories of where I’ve been guilty of tailgating.
One humorous tailgating story I remember is from a trip my husband and I took to Key West years ago. We decided to go jet skiing. I wore my glasses that day instead of contacts and the jet ski rental company gave me a pair of goggles to wear over my glasses. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a good fit, so I had to take the goggles off. Trouble was that then my glasses got so fogged up and wet with the water spray that I couldn’t see. We were in a tour group of about 10 jet skis with a guide going along the coast of the island. Now, for those of you who don’t jet ski, they don’t stop on a dime, and take some time and distance to fully stop. I was worried about tailgating so much and trying to keep a distance, but I was blind without my glasses. And with my poor eyesight and depth perception and fear of tailgating and crashing, I was constantly way behind everyone in the group. My fear wasn’t that I’d tailgate and hit anyone, but instead that I was so far behind and couldn’t see anything that I’d mistakenly head away from the group and towards Cuba instead of back to Key West! I did make it back safely that day, if not very slowly, and avoided any tailgating accidents or unplanned trips to Havanna Cuba.
In my career, I’ve often found myself tailgating others too. I’ve seen someone who was in a career position I found interesting, and I tried to follow their pattern exactly with education, certifications, job industry and position assignments etc. And sometimes that helps to follow a bit because you learn about what education and experience background is required or sought after by organizations that are hiring. The trouble is when you tailgate too close and try to be exactly like someone else that you lose sight of your individuality and what makes you most unique. Maybe you do want to obtain the same educational degree or professional certification to advance your career, but you may also want to take a different path and curate an educational, professional certification, and on the job experience mix that is unique to you, and helps you stand out above the crowd. I’ve started doing that more and more these days with my personal and professional life as a change management consultant, industrial & organizational psychology practitioner, coach, writer, and speaker. In some ways, I’ve learned from looking at the paths of others who are in similar fields or areas of interest and working with mentors. But at the same time, I’ve embraced the fact that I have the ability to create my own path that may be similar, but different in nuanced ways that are unique to me and the interests and gifts I have to share with others. A good friend and former work colleague, Cherida Boyles, summed it up best in a comment recently, “I don’t compare myself to people because I am the standard.” That quote inspires me along with similar quotes from other friends and colleagues that say “Don’t compete with others. Only compete with yourself to be the best version of yourself.” And that is what I’m trying to do, be the best version of myself, create and follow my own path, and don’t tailgate others in their path.
So, back to the sign on the highway in Jersey, I remind myself to “save the tailgating for the game”, meaning, don’t tailgate in my day-to-day professional and personal life. I’m defining a new path for myself, and I encourage each of you to reflect on your own stories where you’ve tailgated in life. Consider how you may benefit from stopping tailgating and forge your own path. For those of you who enjoy the upcoming Super Bowl game or any other game, enjoy the show and remember, save the tailgating for the game.
