Recently, a friend and coworker mentioned something during our conversation that stuck with me. She said, “When you give your word to someone that you will do something, it is important to follow through and keep your promise.” But she went on to say that she always goes out of her way to keep her promise to others, but more often than not, she doesn’t keep her promises to herself, and she wants to change. It was like holding up a mirror to me. Since childhood, I have always gone out of my way to keep promises to others including friends, family, acquaintances, and even strangers alike. But like my friend, I often fail to keep promises to myself. I remember Daddy teaching me the lesson of keeping my promises.
My Daddy was a quiet but not timid man. He didn’t go around boasting of his strength, abilities, and accomplishments. He also believed that when you gave your word to someone, that was as good as a contract, not to be broken. Many men of Daddy’s generation were like him. As the song by country singer Loretta Lynn says, “They don’t make men like my daddy anymore. Guess they’ve thrown away the pattern through the years.” Daddy was a peaceful man too, but he didn’t turn and run from a fight. He taught me to stand up for myself and not start a fight, but not to run either. I remember some men around that time who would brag about how big and bad they were and how well they could fight. I never heard Daddy bragging like that, but years later I learned from my older cousins and relatives that when Daddy was young, he was a tough fighter that everyone knew not to mess with. Even some of the cousins would come ask Daddy to help them if some rough boys were threatening to fight. Daddy stood his ground where needed, but never bragged or boasted or glorified fighting. Also, as I said, he didn’t brag about any other accomplishments or strengths. He was a simple man who believed that you stand your ground when needed, keep your promises, and let your actions and life speak for you and not just your words. Daddy taught me those lessons, especially to keep my promises to others. But we never talked about keeping my promises to myself.
As an adult, I continue to go out of my way to keep my promises to others no matter how much it may inconvenience me. I will fly or drive hours away at any time day or night to keep my promise to others, especially friends and family. Now in general this is commendable and not a bad thing because I do it out of my genuine care, concern, and desire to help others. The issue is that I should have the same level of commitment to keeping promises to myself. For example, it may be a promise to stick to a health program and embrace the mindset shift to lose the weight for the last time. And by the way, I’m keeping this promise to myself now, as I’ve lost a total of 32 lbs. in the past 9 weeks! It could also be keeping my promise to myself to restart physical activities that I enjoyed before, but have stopped over the years like cycling, rowing, going to the gym regularly etc. Or, it could be keeping promises to myself for other goals such as writing a book, becoming a certified professional career coach, spending more time with family and friends and more. I’ve made promises to myself many times, letting other things get in the way resulting in breaking the promises. As my friend said, I want to change. So, going forward, I’m working towards improving my ability to keep the promises I make to myself. I’m making myself a priority, for as the saying goes, “you can’t serve others from an empty cup.” And to fill my cup, I need to keep my promises to myself.
As always, I challenge you to reflect on your own stories to see where you’ve broken promises to yourself. Perhaps it is a promise that isn’t as important to you anymore, which is a possibility. If so, reevaluate your goals and determine if changes need to be made. However, if it is still an important goal to you, and you’ve broken many associated promises, consider ways that you can prioritize yourself as much as you prioritize other people and circumstances in your life. And remember, keep those promises to yourself
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