Many of us received advice from mentors, teachers, parents, colleagues, friends etc. over the years that helped in various ways and points in time. And sometimes, that advice is so good that we carry it with us throughout the rest of our lives. The title of this article is a bit of advice from a dear mentor and friend, Dr. Galen Grant, that I engrained in my heart and mind and carry with me everywhere I go in life. It is one of the simplest yet profound pieces of advice that has proven its power and value time and time again in my life. Surprisingly, this is something that we learn and embrace in childhood, but somehow lose along our way into adulthood where it has even more significance professionally and personally. There are several examples of this powerful advice in action, starting with one of my earliest childhood memories.
As I look out my home office window on the falling snow outside today, I’m reminded of the rare times we would get enough snow when growing up in Georgia to make a snowman! Daddy worked late into the night usually and wasn’t up early most mornings. However, I clearly remember on a rare snow day, when I asked him to get up and go outside with me to make a snowman, he wouldn’t hesitate. We would bundle up in our jackets and gloves and head out into the yard to build a snowman. Then, Daddy would go into an area nearest the forest by our house to gather some fresh, untouched snow, and take inside to make ‘snow ice cream’ for both of us and Mama and my sister. It was a simple pleasure, but the quality time with family was the memory that comes to me now. And those moments happened because I asked.
As children, the things we ask for most often are material things too. For example, even though I have a vague recollection of this memory, my Aunt Carolyn has retold this story to me many times. I’ve always loved Aunt Carolyn’s homemade banana pudding. And when I was very little, one day out of the blue I got a craving for her banana pudding. It wasn’t any special occasion, but I just wanted some. So, I called her up on the phone across town, and she set to prepare a whole banana pudding just for me and drive it across town. Mama was surprised when she showed up and explained that I called and asked for it, and there Aunt Carolyn was with my banana pudding. I asked for and received it that day. A bit spoiled I know, but I was the newest grandchild and nephew at that point until my sister and other cousins joined the club.
Not all of my asks were for material things as a child though. Similar to the snowman story, often they were asks for time together to do activities. Another memory that comes to mind was my love for trains. I spent a lot of time visiting my Great Aunt Alma, whom I called by her nickname “Bobbie.” She lived close by to the railroad station and train yard in my hometown of Gainesville Georgia. Many freight trains came through every day as well as the passenger train between New York and New Orleans, now known as the Crescent Train. I loved going to see the train yards, station, tracks, and watch the trains come by. Not many others in my family enjoyed it as much as I did, but when I asked my Great Aunt Bobbie if she would walk with me to see the trains, she never hesitated and took me right away. My love for trains today, sense of adventure and desire to travel and explore was born and nourished in those walks to see the trains. I asked her to take me, and she did, for which I am truly thankful and have many heart-warming memories of time with her.
Later in my teen years, when I needed help from others to find my first job, get my first car, make decisions about what to do after high school, advice on joining the military and the different branches and career options, I asked family, friends, neighbors, classmates, colleagues etc. and they provided invaluable advice and assistance. I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t asked and received the guidance, support, and encouragement needed. Somewhere along the way in my 20’s and 30’s I forgot the power of asking for what I want. It wasn’t until my mentor and close friend uttered the best advice I had forgotten, “You Increase the Chances of Getting What You Want by Asking for It”, that doors began to open for me.
As an adult, I have numerous stories with this advice in action. For example, I asked for promotion opportunities, or stretch work assignments, or volunteer opportunities to work on diversity, equity, and inclusion and workforce well-being teams in my previous jobs. I asked, and it opened new doors of opportunities for me, provided insights to new personal and professional career interests in well-being and resilience, and also the chance to meet some amazing people! I asked to help out with a well-being event that included coordinating a speaking engagement for Brené Brown! It was such an honor and pleasure to meet her! And it didn’t stop there. My asking, resulted in meeting with many other leaders, influencers, scientists, professors, public speakers, mentors etc. who focus on well-being and resilience. My asking opened doors academically as I focused on well-being as part of my undergraduate and graduate program studies. These included asking for an opportunity to work in the well-being laboratory of Dr. Todd Kashdan, in George Mason University (GMU) and attend courses led by Dr. Mark Thurston, senior scholar at the GMU Center for the Advancement of Well-Being. These opportunities have profoundly shaped my career path as well as personal journey in so many positive ways which wouldn’t be possible if I hadn’t asked.
I’m sure all of you have experienced this in your life as well. As always, I encourage you to reflect on your personal stories to see where this advice was in action for you. Where did you ask for something that you were maybe a little hesitant to ask, but received a happy unexpected “yes” response?
As my mentor and friend, Dr. Galen Grant, who gave the advice said, “What’s the worst that can happen if you ask? Maybe you get a “no” response, in which case, you haven’t lost anything at all.” But you may also get a “yes” which I did in many of the cases where I asked. And if you don’t ask the answer is always “no.” So, if there isn’t a major risk in asking, go ahead and ask for it! Who knows, you may just get the “yes” answer you are looking for that opens a whole new world of possibilities. What will you ask for today?
