What does family and belonging mean to you? I’ve written about similar topics in a prior post last year about tribes. However, as I write this post while flying over the Pacific Ocean to Japan and Korea to see chosen family (close friends) and biological family (my husband’s family), I’m reminded of recent events that emphasized the importance of family and belonging. Sometimes, we need to hear things multiple times for it to stick.
First, the meaning of family is very wide. The more narrow meaning encompasses those people we are related to biologically, especially our immediate family including parents and siblings. Family is then expanded to include our broader biological relatives, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins etc. While my immediate family was small with just my parents and one sister and me, my extended family is huge! Daddy was one of eleven kids and Mama was one of five. So, I have many aunts, uncles and cousins. I love them all and have many great memories growing up with a large family. It was and often still is my rock and support in some ways.
But family goes beyond biological. There are adopted and blended families. And there are our chosen family of close friends who are just as important to us as our blood relatives. Our chosen family stands by us in good times and bad. They rejoice with us and weep with us and celebrate our achievements.
There are other groups or tribes we belong to that become like family too. Military and Veteran communities are a family. And even some specific units with the military have stronger bonds and subcultures that are a family, like Special Forces or Explosive Ordinance Disposal (EOD). These are unique versions of family where members feel a keen sense of belonging.
Belonging is described as “ the feeling of security and support when there is a sense of acceptance, inclusion, and identity for a member of a certain group. It is when an individual can bring their authentic self.”
I’ve experienced family and belonging in many ways personally. Growing up in Georgia with picnics, family reunions, holiday and achievement celebrations, and swimming in the Chattahoochee River and Lake Lanier with cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, grandparents and my sister.
I’ve also experienced it through my military and veteran family, LGBT family, chosen family of close friends and more. And I’ve witnessed family and belonging show up in different ways for others too. Most recently I witnessed it in two sad occasions.
First, I attended the military funeral for a young Air Force friend who was chosen family to me, along with his parents, sister, brother and other extended family. He was only 32 years old when he died unexpectedly. At his funeral I witnessed many of his Air Force EOD family who lined up somberly and one by one marched up to the casket at the graveside, placed their military badges onto the casket, pounded it into the wood, and gave a slow solemn final salute to their brother in arms, one of their EOD family. He belonged to that EOD family, and a part of each family member was affixed to his casket and would be buried with him. As my tears fell, I was reminded of the importance of family and belonging.
The second recent event I attended was the memorial service for the mother of a dear friend, also my chosen family. His mother passed away recently in her 80’s from a short illness. Several of our mutual friends, chosen family, attended the service to support our friend and his family. The memorial service was held at the retirement community where his parents live. His mom’s pastor from the church she grew up in and was still an active member of was also in attendance and led the service. There was a combination of biological, church, retirement community, and chosen friends all together to celebrate the life and legacy of this beautiful woman, mother, wife, sister, church leader, and friend. She belonged to many different families who were all there that day.
Family and belonging are essential for us to thrive, I truly believe. And there are as many definitions of family and belonging as you need to find the right place where you feel loved, cherished, celebrated, respected, honored and able to be your full authentic self. As you reflect on the stories I’ve shared, I encourage you to reflect on all of your families and sense of belonging. And if you are still seeking family and belonging, I wish you all the best on your journey, and know that you have a family and belonging here with me as chosen family because Your Story Matters to me and so many others.
